Remember blogging?

It was a thing... like Yahoo groups.

Yeah.  They both went the way of the  Dinosaur in favor of more socially active media.

And at first it was Facebook. But it had limited amount of posting characters. (Remember 10 years ago?) but technology and time kept progressing and now FB is for older folks not the college kids it was built for and now younger people are Instagraming and  whatever.
And I guess Twitter is also a big deal for people who are more pithy and political and clever. I actually  have an account thanks to one of my kids setting it up but have never used it because I am neither clever or politically active or can say anything in only 127 characters.

So when I get time I try to log in to FB. I love to check in on friends,  but I feel I can’t get too personal there. It just doesn’t feel like the right environment. It is not the place to share my life experiences or deep thoughts. And I wrestle with so many.
 I think we all would agree I really don’t think social media “friends“ truly care if what you really think or care about  takes more than 127 characters or a photograph to express . It’s all superficial for the most part.
So I’m going to go back to this anonymous blogging dinosaur and spill my guts as I see fit.
Because you know what? It turns out I have a lot to say, because I have spent six decades so far on this planet and I just need to vent.
More. Later
~R

Christmas Joy and Sacrifice

Lord. I wrote this many many years ago (7 to be exact) and never hit send because... life. It’s disjointed and this one is unedited 
I’m  glad no one does blogging and  can see this anymore so I’m going to hit go so I can keep thinking aloud in the coming days as I have so many thoughts. 


I LOVE Christmas. I always have...well, almost always. There was the season as a teen when it was not as magical anymore, but it was still enjoyable. But Christmas became spectacular once again after my babies were born because I could once again re-live the magic of the Christmas season through their wonder. To this very day with my little ones, it fills my heart to bursting to see the delight on their young faces when they see all the lights and decorations go up, or when they would “help” me make cut-out cookies and then decorate them, or go to the mall and ride on the Christmas Express Train. Then especially on Christmas morning, when they come downstairs and gasp in delight and stare in wondrous surprise at the wrapped gifts under the tree. These special times live in my heart and memory forever.

But another reason that Christmas became much more special and meaningful was that once I had become a parent, I now had a better understanding of the immense sacrifice required of the Father and Son that was made on our behalf.  For me, an imperfect and selfish creature, every child I took into my arms for the first time, whether they were eight minutes old with bald heads and blue eyes or eight years old with black hair and frightened dark eyes, I felt a love for them so strong, so fierce and devoted that I would do anything to keep them safe and protected. I kept them close to me and kissed and cuddled them every chance I could, even checking on them in the middle of the night to make sure they were sufficiently covered and sleeping peacefully...taking that opportunity to kiss their sleeping heads. I never wanted be separated from my children for any time longer more than normal life events. The only time Christmas became really unpleasant was after my divorce and I had to say goodbye to my young children so they could spend part of Christmas with their father. Oh, I can still feel that sinking feeling, watching them drive away ~ Those were some difficult times.... And that was only being separated from my children for a day or two.


"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:11

And therein lies the absolute difference in the incredible, can't wrap my mind around it, extravagant, boundless love the Father has lavished upon us.  And if I love my children  as profoundly as I do, how much more so  does our perfect Heavenly Father love His Son,?
  What an immense sacrifice it must have been to be separated for 33 YEARS.  My BabyGirl was in Korea for three years and I was beside myself in misery missing her. 
 And this sacrifice was done because God also loves US as His children  and without that sacrifice we could not come home.  I will never understand how the Father God and Jesus processed this... maybe some day in Heaven it will be made clear, but for now it is beyond my comprehension.

 But of course I often think  of His earthly parents. Two of of my favorite  Christmas songs are  Mary Did You Know and Joseph’s Song, because they speak of the vulnerability of Mary and Joseph. Frail humans charged with raising the Son of God.  I really think a lot about is how his earthly parents might have felt during that season and on the night of His birth. Mary was just a young girl, a virgin who conceived through the Holy Spirit. Did she sometimes wonder if she was crazy? Did she really hear that angel right? This child is really going to be the long awaited “Messiah?” Born to ME?? Hmmmm....

I often wonder if her mother or father believed her explanation that her child was conceived of God. What would YOU think if your daughter came to you pregnant and said the same thing? Especially if she were engaged, wouldn’t you try to talk her out of “making excuses” and tell her to “come to her senses? I know I would! We now can say in hindsight, well that can only happened once and cannot happen again, but even in Mary’s time when the Messiah was expected, no one thought that the Messiah would be born to such lowly, poor people. Her family’s reputation in Nazareth must have taken quite a blow and Mary herself must have been disgraced. How very difficult it must have been to have everyone, including Joseph initially, doubting her. And yet she knew she was sinless in this matter. A woman chosen by God because of her humility is humbled even more...and still her response was not to try and vindicate herself, but rather “she pondered these things in her heart.”

And while not very much is mentioned about Joseph, we know he was also a good and humble man, faithful and Godly. Still, I also wonder if after the angel’s visitation to him in his sleep if he ever doubted what he heard. Did he wonder if he “heard right” as well, or was that some crazy, bad dream? Did he think to himself on that road to Bethlehem that there was a chance that Mary’s child would be born on that journey? Would he still have brought her along if he had?

Did either or both of them wonder when she was in labor.."How can this be the Messiah? There is not even a single room in the Inn!! SURELY, if this is God’s son, wouldn’t you think He would have at least ensured us a safe room for the child to be born in... a warm, soft bed and clean clothes to deliver him into? If this is God’s only son, than WHAT are we doing out here in this cold barn, with Joseph as the only midwife, and all these dirty animals around? Did we really hear Him right?? Why doesn't God care about us any more?? Why has He left us to fend for ourselves?"

I know they had great faith, but after all THEY were only human and things were not working out so great in that moment for them and I wonder if they wrestled with these thoughts.

I know for myself there have been many times that I have believed that I knew something was for sure of God. For Sure... Then I go and start doubting the first time things did not go as I thought they should have. Throw a kink in the works and I start second-guessing myself...and God. Every time I have a plan, God has a plan for my plan. He's kinda funny that way...forcing us to Trust HIM every step of the way.

And on that special night, according to God's plan, a child was born to the virgin, Mary...and it was a boy (good start!) and he was healthy and strong and beautiful. Nonetheless, the Son of God was but a tiny, frail human infant, COMPLETELY dependent upon his earthly parents to provide and care for him. Profoundly astonishing to me that God would send His son into such a vulnerable situation and yet, there He was! And how beautiful those first moments of wonder must have been!! Here is His mother, so young, and yet I have no doubt that she was thrilled and delighted to see her baby. After all, He was HER son as well. I firmly believe that Mary felt the EXACT same fierce, protective love we all feel when we first behold our infants. Can't you just see her...uncurling His fingers and counting and kissing each tiny fingertip...smelling the sweetness of His mouth...feeling the softness of His skin and hair, and singing gently to Him as He tries to fix His gaze on hers. And as she nursed Him can't you just hear her whisper to Him... “I’d fight tigers for you my beautiful son...”

I suppose if they ever had any doubts at all that they were anything but another "ordinary" family, they faded away when, “suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.’” The shepherds came confirming the good news, as well as the Wise Men.

"Well, I guess we really did hear that part right..."

And still I cannot help but wonder even when all doubts were removed about WHO this child really was if the magnitude of that reality made her heart pound... “Mary, did you know, when you kissed your little baby, you kissed the face of God?”

And for humble Joseph; how many times did he wonder aloud to God as he looked at the son that he loved and ADOPTED as his own..."How can a man be father to The Son of God? Lord, for all my life I've been a simple carpenter..how can I raise a King? How can I raise a King?" For whatever human shortcomings he may have had, Joseph succeeded in raising a King who was as humble as himself...

So once again I ponder the joy and the sacrifice it took on every one's part long ago to see the miracle  of the Christmas story fulfilled. I am reminded that I must be praying unceasingly to see God's plan unfold in my family's lives as well. That I need to stop my own doubting when things go awry, and to continue to walk out His purposes with the same faith, humility, obedience, and willingness to sacrifice that was exemplified by Mary and Joseph. We are praying that you also, will see God's plan for your life and will join whole-heartedly in His glorious adventure. It is seldom an easy road, but boy, is it worth it!

Wishing everyone a joyous, glorious, love-filled Christmas!!

~R